At least make sure they are 18
Why
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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