Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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