Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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