Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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