Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
