You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
