She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
