Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
