They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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