To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
