Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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