she was so not down for the gang bang
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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