There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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