Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
