I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love having hate sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize