he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
