a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my liver is dry heaving
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
