Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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