He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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