Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
3 2 1 whiskey
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize