i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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