This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
