In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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