We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
