so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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