Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
