im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
