well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
