party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
