It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
