Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
