doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
