dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
