i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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