how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize