Im at strip club and am horny
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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