The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
