it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
