if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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