I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
