i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My penis needs a shock collar
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
