I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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