If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found puke in my bra..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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