Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
