Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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