I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
