I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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