Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
