You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
