At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
