i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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