I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
