ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We are two peas in an std pod
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
