my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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