yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
