When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
