is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
