You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
