somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like eating out sand paper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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