His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
