Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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