Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
