just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
