You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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