Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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