I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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