ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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