Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I die, sorry about rent.
A bitchslap is in order.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
