don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
