come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize