everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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