It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
