i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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