i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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