This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
