i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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