is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They took my balls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
