ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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