your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize