SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
