All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's a Shit stain on my heart
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
