just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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