Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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